I have postponed my BCMSN exam at least five times now. Everytime the test date neared I rescheduled because I wasn’t ready. As I mentioned before I was due and ready to pass the exam just 2 weeks before my mom died. Then she got sicker and eventually passed away. Ever since then I haven’t been in the right mindset and kept postponing/rescheduling my test. Then last week, I forgot to reschedule and lost my $150 fee for not taking it.

It has come across my mind to just cancel the test and get a refund. Then reschedule again for when I was actually ready. But stupid me kept thinking that if I did that then I surely will never take that test. The only assurance or driving force I had, if you will, is keeping the test date hoping that it will drive me towards studying more – and that I can always reschedule if I wasn’t ready.

I have been studying but just not as diligently and focused as I used to. Every day I take about 45 minutes are so to sit down and do some studying. It just doesn’t cut it compared to the hours per day that I used to do. Knowledge acquisition becomes very slow and retention seems to get weaker as longer days pass without touching the same subject again.

I need a new catalyst. And no, I don’t mean a new switch.

First off I wanted to thank everyone for the outpouring of support that just continues to come even months after my mom’s passing. There truly are a lot of amazing and classy people out there in the tech world and I really appreciate it. Thanks to all who left comments for me, those who sent me personal DMs on twitter checking to see how I’m doing; those who emailed me, and those who prayed for me and my family. Your prescence, real and virtual, really meant a lot.

So far, I’ve had a lot of trouble trying to adjust back to my old study habits and patterns. My motivation has been sapped dry and focusing is very hard to achieve. I don’t think it has anything to do with my mom’s passing anymore. Sure it derailed my studies but I’m pretty sure I’m passed the grieving stage at this point.

I know for sure that since then I’ve been watching more TV than before. I think it goes hand in hand with the fact that during the time I’m taking care/watching my infant son, whether I’m holding him or feeding him, I also have the TV on. So the entertainment factor from watching TV more than likely takes away from my motivation to study.

Additionally, since starting P90X many months back, I’ve also tried to make exercise a regular part of my week. That alone takes an hour to an hour and a half a day, for about 3 days a week. At least I’m happy with the progress I’m making on this aspect.

Although I’ve slowed down considerably, I definitely have not stopped. I’m proud to say that I spent a good hour studying last night . It’s not nearly close to how much I used to study but good enough considering I wasn’t studying for days at a time. I’m just a little bummed that I’ve had to reschedule my BCMSN exam six times already. I was due to take it 2 weeks before my mom died. And ever since then, I’ve been rescheduling it just about every 2 weeks, hoping that the next two weeks would be it. But every 2 weeks come and I’m still not ready. In fact I’ve forgotten so much of the materials that I may have to start my review again from the start.

Anyway, my goal for the next two days is to complete my review on wireless LANs. Wish me luck.